AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
