maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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