Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
