I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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