I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
