Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
