you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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