Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
