There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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