Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
