you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
