I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
