Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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