Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
