He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
