so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
