it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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