I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
