five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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