I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
