if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
