Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
