God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
How does it feel to date your dad?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
