He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
