come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
porn star boner night. come get it.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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