At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
