i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
