Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
