I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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