I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
