..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
