the condom got lost in my hair
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
