I just saw a hot homeless man
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
