she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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