My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
