Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
