i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
