Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
