are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
