The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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