he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
