new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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