My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
