I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
