Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
