The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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