the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
