the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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