Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
