i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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